First, let me say that Babygirl is doing well.
Second, let me say that this post is not about her, at least not directly. My good high school friend Kirk asked his Facebook friends for support in losing weight a few months ago. I and 2 others agreed to weekly weigh-ins (with photos of the scale!) and general support.
A little over a month ago, Kirk said, "Dee, you haven't been more than 1 lb in either direction since we started this thing. What gives? How are you doing this?"
Like that represents some kind of success in a weight loss group? And since then, my weight has been creeping up. So let me talk, to my group in particular, about "how I am doing this."
First, let me say, that I suspect that those of us who are (or have been) more than 100 pounds overweight probably have undiagnosed eating disorders. Certainly, at the very least, we have deep-seeded psychological issues surrounding self-esteem, self-comfort, and food. I think that most weight loss attempts are doomed to fail if these issues are not addressed. I am also convinced that my "Clean-your-plate-there-are-starving-children-in-China" generation was trained from a very early age to ignore any evidence that we were already "full," so as adults we have issues with this as well. (Aside: Don't make your kids clean their plates.)
So, how did I end up at a peak weight of 270 lbs? And how did I go from 270 to 180 (+/-5)?
At age 30 I was 148. I got pregnant, had a bad marriage, had a lot of isolation, and binged my way upward. My second husband, a wonderful guy, had no issues with my weight, but was the kind of life partner who wouldn't mind joining in a binge (nice when you're sharing movie popcorn drenched in fake butter, not great for long-term health LOL).
At 46 I spent a day on the cardiac unit monitoring an irregular heartbeat. I was put on medication for that and for my high blood pressure. I weighed 260 that day. It changed NOTHING.
But at age 48, when Babygirl was 6, we made the appalling discovery that she was legally blind. We weren't sure if she'd be able to learn to see even with glasses, and suddenly a boatload of reality snapped into place: I was only 10 years away from the age my mom was when she had her first stroke, my health was terrible, and I had a kid who was going to need me to LIVE.
I started walking a mile a day with my (no surprise) morbidly obese dogs. All of us thought we were going to die just going up the little hill at the end of our street. I joined a women's gym and went 3 times a week. I committed to eating 5-7 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. I lost 30 pounds in the first 4 months, and then stalled for 3 months (AND I was waking up hungry in the middle of the night!), so I went to see my doctor.
Blood work picked up prediabetes. He put me on metformin and a statin for my cholesterol.
I lost another 30 pounds and stalled. He added Victoza (a diabetes medication with weight loss as a major side effect). I kept walking, no less than 2 miles a day. I kept up with the gym.
Since then it's been and up and down kinda thing. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Babygirl (who did learn to see but not perfectly) developed kidney failure. We had to survive dialysis, and the horrible post transplant year. My mom had dementia through most of this, and I had caregiver duties. I'm going to guess that I've actually lost more than 300 pounds total, because during that time, for every net 10 pound loss I put on 5 pounds 5 times LOL.
I've been stalled at around 180 for over 2 years. The goal is 160. I mean, it's been nice seeing my medical chart changed from "morbidly obese" to "obese" to just "overweight." My blood sugar is okay (I advanced from prediabetes to diabetes despite the weight loss). My cholesterol is excellent. I am still walking (10 miles yesterday !), but not doing the gym or yoga, which were, I think, major drivers in the weight management scheme.
But: Here's a subtle issue. Joining a weight management group has made it HARDER. It has tripped the trigger on my personal tendency to binge, which makes calorie control VERY difficult. Kirk asked me "How are you doing this?" on June 28. I've been eating my way through the snack cupboard for 6 weeks contemplating this post. Amazingly enough, today's weigh in was dead-on 180, though last week was closer to 185.
But the bottom line is this: I NEVER went "on a diet." Over a period of 15 years I made permanent, lasting changes in what and how I eat, and a permanent, lasting commitment to regular physical activity. And I made the commitment for Babygirl initially, because somehow I could never see that I myself was worth the commitment. That aspect of things has improved, and I continue not only for her sake but for my own.
So, Kirk (et al), here is how I am "doing this":
1) Find a reason for permanent change that actually matters to you.
2) Stop "going on a diet" and make long term sustainable changes in what/how much you eat. And, if applicable, stop drinking calories. Americans, on average, take in 40% of their calories in liquid form.
3) Make a long term commitment to daily physical activity.
4) Find a doctor who will advocate for you and help you change. And remember that even bariatric surgery will completely fail if you don't do the first 3 things.
DeeDee
