Cherries and Maple Leaves.....

It was about this time, two years ago, that Mom took the fall that ultimately took her home. There's a two month blog-gap between the first December  (General Health Updates....) and my annual kidney transplant update post (Four Years....) that was utterly taken up by her hip fracture, hospital stay, nursing home transfer and decline.  (By the way, my brother offered the nickname "BamBam" for JuJu's baby - it never stuck - they all call him Bubbies. I have no idea why.)

Time passes.  The raw emotions that follow the loss of both of your parents (and one of your best friends) in less than a year don't really go away, exactly.  They just hit less frequently.

Sunday afternoon I wrapped Christmas presents.  Don't judge me - there are a lot of grandkids to keep track of!  I'm pretty efficient.  Wrap, label, add to the list.  Wrap, label, add to the list.  Wrap....

My dad adored chocolate covered cherries.  I'm not sure why - personally I think they're pretty gross - but he loved them.  So every year, I would buy him a box.  Once, when Curlygirl was very little, she started eating his cherries before he could even get the first one:  I had no idea she like them.

So, every year for nearly 20 years after that, I bought and wrapped TWO boxes of chocolate covered cherries.  Until last year.  I don't actually remember if I bought them for Curlygirl then, but I bought them this year.  And wrapping only one box just made me cry for a few minutes.

Next day: 

First, the background.  When Citygirl moved out west to learn wine making, she sent my Mom a picture of herself holding the biggest autumn maple leaf I've ever seen - far bigger than her head. That picture sat on my Mom's dining room table, and she commented on it at least once a week over breakfast.  The photo went with her to the nursing home, although she was too out of it to really notice at that point. I remember picking it up with Mom's 'personal effects' a few weeks after she died.

So, walking into work, still a bit tender from the Christmas memories, I spotted an absolutely enormous maple leaf on the sidewalk, not as big as the one in the picture but monstrous compared to what we usually see on trees here, and, BLAM, I was sitting at Mom's table, sorting pills and drinking coffee while she ate her peanut butter toast and chatted about whatever thoughts were wandering through her mind at the moment.

Weeping as you come through the door of the office is bad form.

Grief is a funny thing.  You can be fine - truly FINE - and then. Then.

Oddly, someone today randomly mentioned that I seemed to be handling my Mom's loss well. He's facing losing his own mother and isn't at all sure he'll do well. It left me at a bit of a loss as to what to say.

There's no real point to all of this, and it's a bit out of place in the gratitude month concept, except...I'm not UNgrateful for grief, truly.  I've met people who would happily dance on the graves of their parents, and who grieve only for the sadness that was their childhoods.  The things I miss are happy things, good things, grateful things. My life hasn't been all sunlight and roses, but my parents did their best to give me better than they had, and I miss them.

DeeDee