Ongoing stress management......

I have reached a point where my "to do" list has a "to do" list.  There are so many balls juggling around in my head that I dread trying to catch one more.  Sometimes I refer to a lapse in care to some detail as "the sound of balls dropping."

Some of those balls?  My 17 yo is pregnant. I failed to inform her 2 older sisters before she posted it on facebook.  I haven't called my dad - he finally called me last night to see if I was alive.  My cousin's wife died last month and I still need to send a card. I have managed to keep up with paying mom's bills, but she is feeling lonely and left out because I don't call her, and as a consequence she lost track of her medications, and stopped filling her pill sorter.  And my older girls feel the same - out of the loop and isolated.  But on the up side, I managed to make in time to be there for the delivery of my grandaughter on last Monday afternoon.

Right now my mom is in the ER, and my brother is handling that so I can stay at work. And babygirl and I have to be at a hospital 3 hours away on Thursday morning, no way out of it, so if mom is admitted....

I quite honestly don't know of any stress management tool that would help much right now.  I do put the beach web cam on and go there in my head as much as I can.  And some of the good advice I got from my therapist?  Try wording my "to do"s differently.

I NEED to pack for the beach because......we are leaving soon!  I have so little time left!
Or:  I WANT to pack for the beach because.....I will be able to relax when we get there!

I NEED to update the house calendar because.....there is just so much to do!  And I can't forget!
Or:  I WANT to update the house calendar because....I need everyone to know where I am, and to have an opportunity to help out.

I am working on this. I am also working on enjoying my evening glass of wine and a kiss from my husband, instead of just throwing it in while I am trying to prepare dinner or catching a hug on the run.  Living a bit more in the moment instead of in some dread and unseeable future.  Listening to my little girl laugh.  Watching my grandaughter take her first breath, and her awed father gently stroke her cheek. Singing in church on Sunday and watching someone wipe a tear, moved by the music (at least I HOPE that was why LOL!).

I was driving in the car the other day, stressing myself to death as usual.  I turned on the radio and heard, "It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got!  I'm gonna soak up the sun.....gonna tell everyone to lighten up!"  I truly laughed out loud.  Sometimes God is not subtle, and it's a good thing.

DeeDee