Week Twenty-three - Walking the Walk.....

The "dailyness" of Babygirl's illness is beginning to truly sink in.  There is a new definition of courtesy here.  "Honey, I'll set up the machine for you." or "I know it's your turn to be up, but I'll take it. I'll be fine."  We watch each other for signs of wear and tear, and check frequently for breakage.  She seems fine.  It is hubby and I who must be alert to each others' weaknesses, for her sake as well as our own. 

It comes down to this, really:  What we do for her each night with that dialysis machine is both a blessing to her ongoing health and a very dangerous process.  We are both strongly aware of how fragile this system is, and how dependent it is on our ability to keep cool heads and clean hands.  We must not ever let our escalating exhaustion and frustration lead us into carelessness.

So let's discuss peritionitis.  Peritonitis is what happens when germs enter the peritoneal cavity.  Since this is naturally a sterile area with no natural entry point, the peritoneum is not equipped to fight infection, or to comfortably cohabit with germs as a matter of course (as such areas as the mouth and rectum can).  Peritonitis occurs when something breaks and releases germs into the area (ie appendicitis or pelvic inflammatory disease).  It can also occur when germs are accidentally introduced from the outside (stab wounds, for example).

In Babygirl's case the risk is that we will somehow get germs into her dialysis catheter.  During the day the tube is capped with betadine laced cover.  At night, though, we have to remove that cover and hook the tube to the machine.  And we have to hook fluid bags, and clamps, and so on into THAT tube.  The possibility of error is great, and we have to be very focused during set up to avoid touching any open port. 

For me, I think the fear is greater than it is for hubby.  Not that he isn't careful, he really is.  But I have seen peritonitis, and realize that not only could it be fatal, it frequently is.  It is also excruciatingly painful (and that's a word I don't use lightly, since it derives from the pain equivalent to crucifixion). I think about it every single night when I hook her up, and every single morning when I unhook her.

I truly think I would die if I knew that some carelessness of mine killed my baby.  Truly.

DeeDee