Week Twenty-four - Smell the Roses.......

In the five years prior to Babygirl's kidney failure diagnosis, I made some changes in my life.  Something woke me up to the fact that I was destined to die young if I didn't.  I think the trigger was arriving at the age that was ten years younger than my mom was when she had her first stroke in her fifties.  And Babygirl was the impetus that kept that trigger firing.  I joined Curves and went three times a week faithfully.  I began eating five to seven servings of fruits and veggies daily. I went to my doctor, got my blood pressure and cholesterol under control and started medications to help me lose weight.  When I got stuck on the weight loss, I added a daily walk with my dog (to his eternal gratitude LOL).  And I kept it all up, even through the months of my illness last winter and spring.  I even walked the dog the morning of my cardiac catheterization (it was fine, thank you.). Overall I lost more than 65 pounds.

But now we are AFTER kidney failure.  I can go to Curves three times a week every other week, since I can't go on days when I am the nighttime dialysis manager.  I walk the dog, sometimes.  And I sometimes grab a piece of fruit on my way by the fruit bowl.  I know that in order to take care of her, I must take care of myself, but I often lack the internal resources to do both.  Fortunately, I have not regained any weight, but I can feel clothes tightening up as muscles loosen up. And I know that I'd have more energy if I did more exercise - it's a cycle that I learned when  I first started the changes. 

My dad has always told me to stop and smell the roses.  He knows that I am a high-pressure, energetic, driven, take-no-prisoners lunatic who really needs to slow down and breathe now and again.  But the problem with all of this is that there is no real enemy to fight, no dragon to slay, no prince to rescue.  I'm swinging swords at clouds and puddles, and there is no winning that battle.

So I am trying to let go of the "battle."  Walking.  My neighbors have beautiful gardens, and on the corner one block from here is one of the loveliest rosebushes ever.  And the roses, coincidentally, are at nose height.  They smell wonderful.  I took my two month old granddaughter with me for one of these walks, and had her smell them too.  I work on relaxing enough to laugh at the jokes, play the games, focus on the book I'm reading.  I try to remember that very little outside my work and Babygirl's dialysis machine is actually life or death.  Dinner?  Well, as I observed some time ago, cole slaw from KFC is actually a veggie.  Clean house?  Delegate to some of the flood refugees who inhabit my house.  Make the bed?  Are you kidding?  I didn't do THAT before the kidney failure!

I can't live my life on high alert.  Every cell phone call is NOT the transplant team.  My adrenal glands need a break.  God gave me a great life.  I have the privelege of relaxing and enjoying it when I can.

DeeDee