I started thinking about this post nearly three months ago, wondering where we'd be at this point. After all, we had just found out then that there was no real hope of getting a kidney before dialysis became a necessity, that things were going from bad to worse, and finally getting the hang of the idea that we had a very sick little girl on our hands.
Compared to then, I feel almost normal. People ask me how I'm doing and I'm able to respond, "Good." It's true as far as it goes, but actually what I decided to do was to re-define "good" so that I could say it and be honest. After all, even I've gotten a little bored with only having drama and sorrow to report. I can't imagine how tired my friends and co-workers are of hearing it!
But the beauty of redefining what constitutes a good day is that you have more of them. If we only wake up once or twice a night, it's a good day. If we get to sleep through? It's a GREAT day. Sunshine? Great day. Rain without danger of flash floods? Good day. Grandbaby content to walk the dog with me? Great day. Grandbaby cranky but I get to hold her anyway? Good day. My brain functioning well on meds with no migraine? Great day! New contractor making progress on new bathroom? GREAT day.
See? It's simple. And it will keep working as long as there really isn't any new drama. But this six month mark still feels like a huge milestone. When I look back, and think how we sort of expected to have a new kidney by now, and figured that a new kidney would actually solve all the problems, I see we've had to come a ways toward accepting our new reality. And while I'm ready to carry on as long as needed to keep Babygirl's life as well-balanced as possible, I still have a huge problem with imagining that we will be in exactly this same position when we hit the one year mark.
DeeDee
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