I'm grateful that I am in a place where I can care for my Mom as her mind and health decline. There were a lot of variables in our lives that would have potentially made this impossible, but oddly, Babygirl's illness made us make the choices that left us room for Mom in this difficult time in her life.
Caring for a parent with dementia has many, many challenges. It's worse than handling a toddler in many ways. I've talked with my friends who are walking the same road and we all have similar challenges.
It's frustrating, really really frustrating, to answer the same question over and over and over. Generally I try to answer it each time as if it were the first time she asked - after all, in her mind, it IS the first time she asked. Each. And. Every. Time.
It saddens me to see her not notice or care about the clutter that collects around her. When my Dad and Aunt were staying here, the counter could get knee-deep in toast crumbs, the floor waist-high in newspaper, and the table have an even coating of used coffee cups and not one of them would pay the slightest attention.
And it amazes me that all but my Aunt seemed to regard the shower as some ancient form of torture.
Most of all, I miss the Mom I had even as recently as 4 years ago. The one who was quick-witted, humorous, busy. The Cool Mom who never said 'no' to a sleepover or a camping trip. The Den Mother, the church secretary, the Mastermind of Christmas.
Yeah. I miss her.
But despite all of that, I AM grateful to care for her. Grateful that we can do it financially. Grateful that we have the room both in our home and in our schedules (usually!) to do what needs to be done. She dealt with me from birth to college, and I'm sure it was a face-smacking ride. I'm glad I can pay it back.
DeeDee
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Frost......
Gratitude for frost? Really?
Yes. Although the first heavy frost signals the end of many lovely things - flowers and the last tomatoes off the vine among them - it is a sign of good things. Really good things.
For people like hubby and Babygirl, it means the end of the eternal pollen suffering that runs from mid-August until, you guessed it! the first deep frost. It also means that despite the unseasonably warm October, he won't need to do an unprecedented mowing of the lawn in November. It's good for me, too. Doctors like early frosts. It winds down the allergy season in time for us to cope with cold and flu season!
And it signals a slower time. Long nights, curling up at home instead of going out, enjoying the sense of 'circling the wagons' against the coming of winter. The rest of the leaves will finally drop, so raking one last time (or in our case, the first and only time!) and preparing the yard and garden for winter are now pushed up to the 'can't ignore it anymore' section of our to-do list. Oddly, these are 'chores' that I enjoy.
Reading. Fires in the fireplace. Board games. Friends enjoying soup or baked-potato dinners. There are gifts in the cold season for those who have the eyes to see them and the hearts to enjoy them.
DeeDee
Yes. Although the first heavy frost signals the end of many lovely things - flowers and the last tomatoes off the vine among them - it is a sign of good things. Really good things.
For people like hubby and Babygirl, it means the end of the eternal pollen suffering that runs from mid-August until, you guessed it! the first deep frost. It also means that despite the unseasonably warm October, he won't need to do an unprecedented mowing of the lawn in November. It's good for me, too. Doctors like early frosts. It winds down the allergy season in time for us to cope with cold and flu season!
And it signals a slower time. Long nights, curling up at home instead of going out, enjoying the sense of 'circling the wagons' against the coming of winter. The rest of the leaves will finally drop, so raking one last time (or in our case, the first and only time!) and preparing the yard and garden for winter are now pushed up to the 'can't ignore it anymore' section of our to-do list. Oddly, these are 'chores' that I enjoy.
Reading. Fires in the fireplace. Board games. Friends enjoying soup or baked-potato dinners. There are gifts in the cold season for those who have the eyes to see them and the hearts to enjoy them.
DeeDee
Monday, November 4, 2013
Year Three, Week 31 - The Art of Gratitude.....
Folks on Facebook are doing it again: Daily November reminders of what we are most thankful for.
I've joined in, and I'm going to try my hardest to post those things I'm grateful for. But I'm warning you in advance: I'm grateful for some pretty surprisingly odd things. Here's the list thus far....
1) I am grateful for the good roads that make long trips so easy here.
2) I am thankful for the color of Larch trees in the fall.
3) I am thankful for my Pastor and her thoughtful sermons and gentle kindness.
4) I'm incredibly thankful for the furnace on this first truly cold morning!
Most of you have never lived anywhere but the U.S. Many of you have, however, been to places even in the U.S. that were difficult to navigate. Twisty. Potholed. Dirt. Narrow.
I've been to places where the BEST roads meet that definition. Where getting a child to a doctor, ANY doctor, let alone a specialist, is the work of days, not hours. So while I'm zipping along at 72 mph, I often reflect on the fact that despite our hours on the road, we are blessed, very blessed, to have roads this good. It is unthinkable to me that Babygirl could have died already for lack of a decent highway system.
The other three are self explanatory, I think. But you'll hear more about gratitude for indoor luxuries later.
DeeDee
I've joined in, and I'm going to try my hardest to post those things I'm grateful for. But I'm warning you in advance: I'm grateful for some pretty surprisingly odd things. Here's the list thus far....
1) I am grateful for the good roads that make long trips so easy here.
2) I am thankful for the color of Larch trees in the fall.
3) I am thankful for my Pastor and her thoughtful sermons and gentle kindness.
4) I'm incredibly thankful for the furnace on this first truly cold morning!
Most of you have never lived anywhere but the U.S. Many of you have, however, been to places even in the U.S. that were difficult to navigate. Twisty. Potholed. Dirt. Narrow.
I've been to places where the BEST roads meet that definition. Where getting a child to a doctor, ANY doctor, let alone a specialist, is the work of days, not hours. So while I'm zipping along at 72 mph, I often reflect on the fact that despite our hours on the road, we are blessed, very blessed, to have roads this good. It is unthinkable to me that Babygirl could have died already for lack of a decent highway system.
The other three are self explanatory, I think. But you'll hear more about gratitude for indoor luxuries later.
DeeDee
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Makes You Wonder.....
There should be no doubt remaining in anyone's mind that I have an odd family. Just the fact that I have an Aunt Squirrelly ought to cover all the ground needed. But every once in a while, some random piece of oddness sticks out a little.
On one of the last nights my Dad was here he broke into a conversation in progress with, "What? There are no patients left?"
My mind went a little blank. After all, I don't bring them HOME with me.
He went on, "WHY are your toenails painted? There must NOT be any patients left if you are dressed to go dancing!"
Aside from the fact that it was warm enough to wear my ugly flat sandals on the first of November, I couldn't really see what caught his attention. My last pedi was a month ago at least but those tootsies still have sparkly bright pink polish. I couldn't think of a single thing to ask that would bring clarity. And 'speechless' is NOT my middle name.
Patients? Dancing? Toenails? Anybody?
Maybe our old Doc McMahon never painted HIS toenails unless he was going dancing.
DeeDee
On one of the last nights my Dad was here he broke into a conversation in progress with, "What? There are no patients left?"
My mind went a little blank. After all, I don't bring them HOME with me.
He went on, "WHY are your toenails painted? There must NOT be any patients left if you are dressed to go dancing!"
Aside from the fact that it was warm enough to wear my ugly flat sandals on the first of November, I couldn't really see what caught his attention. My last pedi was a month ago at least but those tootsies still have sparkly bright pink polish. I couldn't think of a single thing to ask that would bring clarity. And 'speechless' is NOT my middle name.
Patients? Dancing? Toenails? Anybody?
Maybe our old Doc McMahon never painted HIS toenails unless he was going dancing.
DeeDee
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Heart Wrenching, Gut Clenching Worry....
Let me start by saying that this post is not really about Babygirl. Or maybe, not ONLY Babygirl. To reassure everyone, I'll start by saying that so far I haven't called any doctors. The highest temp I was able to record was 99.8, not the necessary 100.4 they need before I can transfer any of the worry to them. Babygirl still doesn't feel well, but she ate breakfast. She complains of belly pain every time she coughs and every time we hit a bump on the road. But we are home, safe.
Babygirl has been the focus of my attention for the last 2 1/2 years. My other girls generally deal with this without complaint, but I know it gets old for them to always be on the back burner. But I want them all to know:
Each and every one of you has, at one time or another, from the day I first laid eyes on you until (and including) now, have had my entire, full, unremitting attention, even when it seems my head is far away. The heart-wrenching, gut-clenching, adrenal-squeezing worry that I focus on Babygirl? Well, you all gave me lots of practice. In order of appearance:
CityGirl - From your first tiny tickle inside me, the first stitches in your eyebrow, the not-eating year, the dare-devil sports, to the current you-are-too-far-away life, you've squeezed my heart into an entirely new shape. You taught me everything I know about how to be a mom, and what it means to actually have your heart walking around outside of your body. I do give you too much 'radio silence' but there is never, ever a day when I don't live a random memory and stop and pray for you.
Curlygirl - From the first time I met your frightened, defiant brown eyes I knew I was in deep, deep trouble, and deep, deep love. Through all the I-hate-you-you're-not-my-moms, through the endless nights of breathing treatments when I feared that if I fell asleep you would stop breathing, high school rebellion, childbirth and the amazing gift you gave me in Squeaker, you have been the object of my ongoing prayer and love.
ChamaMama - You came to me late, but are no less a part of my heart for all of that. From teaching you how to balance a checkbook and fearfully watching your wild bar-hopping days, to seeing you finally bring the RIGHT man home to walk down the aisle with; from the gift of my first (and second, and third!)grandchild to the worry, prayer and hope over your postpartum blues, I think of you and pray for you every day. And every stomach-dropping road my car travels brings you to my heart.
JuJuBee - From your silent, smiling visits to my office when you were so tiny to the loud tantrums, the running away and the coming home; during the days when we feared we would lose you back to a system that seemed determined to do anything but protect you; to watching your beloved stroke the face of his first child, and holding her and her sister in my arms and heart, my heart has walked with you every day with prayer, and hurt with your hurt and rejoiced in your joy.
You were all here before Babygirl. Just because you see me at my gut-clenching worst over your baby sister doesn't mean I don't remember how each of you has suffered, grown strong and triumphed over the toughest things any group of kids collectively could have. I'll never forget the nights and days of heart-wrenching pain you all endured, and that I endured with you. And I don't forget, not even for a minute, that you each still have struggles, pain, and growth going on and that you still need me.
So even when I seem like a completely insanely crazy stranger, just keep tugging on my pants leg and I'll be there. After all, as most of you already know, if the kid keeps saying, "Mom. Mom. Mom, Mommy. Ma! MOM!" sooner or later Mom has to focus on the kid and say, "WHAT???" LOL.
I love all my girls. With my soul, heart, gut and squeezed-dry adrenal glands. You are my greatest blessing.
DeeDee
Babygirl has been the focus of my attention for the last 2 1/2 years. My other girls generally deal with this without complaint, but I know it gets old for them to always be on the back burner. But I want them all to know:
Each and every one of you has, at one time or another, from the day I first laid eyes on you until (and including) now, have had my entire, full, unremitting attention, even when it seems my head is far away. The heart-wrenching, gut-clenching, adrenal-squeezing worry that I focus on Babygirl? Well, you all gave me lots of practice. In order of appearance:
CityGirl - From your first tiny tickle inside me, the first stitches in your eyebrow, the not-eating year, the dare-devil sports, to the current you-are-too-far-away life, you've squeezed my heart into an entirely new shape. You taught me everything I know about how to be a mom, and what it means to actually have your heart walking around outside of your body. I do give you too much 'radio silence' but there is never, ever a day when I don't live a random memory and stop and pray for you.
Curlygirl - From the first time I met your frightened, defiant brown eyes I knew I was in deep, deep trouble, and deep, deep love. Through all the I-hate-you-you're-not-my-moms, through the endless nights of breathing treatments when I feared that if I fell asleep you would stop breathing, high school rebellion, childbirth and the amazing gift you gave me in Squeaker, you have been the object of my ongoing prayer and love.
ChamaMama - You came to me late, but are no less a part of my heart for all of that. From teaching you how to balance a checkbook and fearfully watching your wild bar-hopping days, to seeing you finally bring the RIGHT man home to walk down the aisle with; from the gift of my first (and second, and third!)grandchild to the worry, prayer and hope over your postpartum blues, I think of you and pray for you every day. And every stomach-dropping road my car travels brings you to my heart.
JuJuBee - From your silent, smiling visits to my office when you were so tiny to the loud tantrums, the running away and the coming home; during the days when we feared we would lose you back to a system that seemed determined to do anything but protect you; to watching your beloved stroke the face of his first child, and holding her and her sister in my arms and heart, my heart has walked with you every day with prayer, and hurt with your hurt and rejoiced in your joy.
You were all here before Babygirl. Just because you see me at my gut-clenching worst over your baby sister doesn't mean I don't remember how each of you has suffered, grown strong and triumphed over the toughest things any group of kids collectively could have. I'll never forget the nights and days of heart-wrenching pain you all endured, and that I endured with you. And I don't forget, not even for a minute, that you each still have struggles, pain, and growth going on and that you still need me.
So even when I seem like a completely insanely crazy stranger, just keep tugging on my pants leg and I'll be there. After all, as most of you already know, if the kid keeps saying, "Mom. Mom. Mom, Mommy. Ma! MOM!" sooner or later Mom has to focus on the kid and say, "WHAT???" LOL.
I love all my girls. With my soul, heart, gut and squeezed-dry adrenal glands. You are my greatest blessing.
DeeDee
Friday, November 1, 2013
Chills.....
I'm safe here in my home town. The ride was uneventful. We didn't leave home until 4 PM because Babygirl wanted to come along for the ride.
That was okay, actually. I had to go in and finish up that root canal this morning! It actually went very well, but I am SO tired of having half of my face numb. Now I need to schedule with my dentist to finish it all up.
After THAT delightful start to my day (well, not the start, I guess - I went in to work for an hour first), I went off to Staples in search of some sort of computer desk-wheely cart thing to use at work to keep my wrists happier. It's a very bad sign if you start having pain less than two weeks into the new level of computer usage. I found one, took it to work (my day off, right?) and assembled it. Still numb, I went home to sort Mom's meds, dress my dad's foot, and pack and load up to bring him home.
So far, so good. No flat tire. No car drama. No U-turns, missing tools, lost luggage.
But the bad news? Because you know that there has to be some?
I just tucked Babygirl back into bed. She has a bellyache, different than the last ones. And she has chills. Her current temp is 97, but I've thus far never seen her have chills that didn't lead to a hospital admission.
And we are eight hours from CHOP.
So all you night owls, send up a prayer. I'm going to crawl into bed with her and hope for the best.
DeeDee
That was okay, actually. I had to go in and finish up that root canal this morning! It actually went very well, but I am SO tired of having half of my face numb. Now I need to schedule with my dentist to finish it all up.
After THAT delightful start to my day (well, not the start, I guess - I went in to work for an hour first), I went off to Staples in search of some sort of computer desk-wheely cart thing to use at work to keep my wrists happier. It's a very bad sign if you start having pain less than two weeks into the new level of computer usage. I found one, took it to work (my day off, right?) and assembled it. Still numb, I went home to sort Mom's meds, dress my dad's foot, and pack and load up to bring him home.
So far, so good. No flat tire. No car drama. No U-turns, missing tools, lost luggage.
But the bad news? Because you know that there has to be some?
I just tucked Babygirl back into bed. She has a bellyache, different than the last ones. And she has chills. Her current temp is 97, but I've thus far never seen her have chills that didn't lead to a hospital admission.
And we are eight hours from CHOP.
So all you night owls, send up a prayer. I'm going to crawl into bed with her and hope for the best.
DeeDee
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Year Three, Week 30 - Winding Down the Crazy....
Aside from the general busy-ness of life in our house, the Crazy seems to be easing up.
The new computer system with full Electronic Medical Records at work is murder to learn. Every time someone complains about a new symptom (which is an hourly event) I click on some new button that leads me on some insane portion of the medical Yellow Brick Road. Six months from now this will turn out okay. Now, not so much, but we're managing.
My Dad will be heading home tomorrow, sometime after I finish my root canal. (Easy to forget that THAT got rolled into last weeks total nuthouse adventure, right?) He asked me yesterday how many trips I intended to make to get rid of him. LOL.
So hopefully this weekend will only involve ONE 400-mile round trip. And if I'm lucky I won't feel the need to bring work home.
DeeDee
The new computer system with full Electronic Medical Records at work is murder to learn. Every time someone complains about a new symptom (which is an hourly event) I click on some new button that leads me on some insane portion of the medical Yellow Brick Road. Six months from now this will turn out okay. Now, not so much, but we're managing.
My Dad will be heading home tomorrow, sometime after I finish my root canal. (Easy to forget that THAT got rolled into last weeks total nuthouse adventure, right?) He asked me yesterday how many trips I intended to make to get rid of him. LOL.
So hopefully this weekend will only involve ONE 400-mile round trip. And if I'm lucky I won't feel the need to bring work home.
DeeDee
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