I have never pinned down any specific reason for nights like this, but I've grown less frustrated by them. I've found that the worst thing that anyone can do while they're lying awake for no good reason is to get really, really mad that you are lying awake for no good reason. Sending adrenalin shooting through your veins at two AM does not improve your odds of sleeping. At least half of the time Sleep will come if you ignore it, letting your mind wander off onto other subjects.
Not tonight so far.
Oh, my mind has wandered. Off to Paris, back to my hometown, around my imagination, through a cloud of cigarette smoke (yeah, that again) and back again. But you hit a degree of alertness that lets you know that no matter how hard you try to engage Sleep in a game of peekaboo, you are not going to win.
I don't think I'm overly concerned about Babygirl's appointment tomorrow. My brother asked if she was being admitted. And I told him that it is a possibility with every single doctor's visit - because that's the way life is for transplant patients. But I think I've adjusted to that mentality as well as anyone can and it doesn't cause me any particular anxiety. It's not being in an unfamiliar place - this is as much home to me as my own bed after all this time.
Maybe it's because I slept this morning.
Yesterday's party was epic. Lots of interesting people, lots of food, and lots of Scotch. Yeah, I'm that kind of girl. Wine is okay, beer is disgusting, but whiskey is just proof that God wants us to have a good time. I fell
Ah, well. There is always Stumble. And YouTube. And I may have to give in and have that snack anyway.