Monday, June 17, 2013

One Ten AM......

I'm sitting in the dark of my sister-in-law's house, listening to her snore softly as she sleeps.  I went to bed at 11, late for me, but still rather not-sleepy.  Not-sleepy evolved to not-asleep to wide-awake.  So right now I'm avoiding a middle-of-the-night snack by chatting with all of you.

I have never pinned down any specific reason for nights like this, but I've grown less frustrated by them.  I've found that the worst thing that anyone can do while they're lying awake for no good reason is to get really, really mad that you are lying awake for no good reason.  Sending adrenalin shooting through your veins at two AM does not improve your odds of sleeping.  At least half of the time Sleep will come if you ignore it, letting your mind wander off onto other subjects. 

Not tonight so far. 

Oh, my mind has wandered.  Off to Paris, back to my hometown, around my imagination, through a cloud of cigarette smoke (yeah, that again) and back again.  But you hit a degree of alertness that lets you know that no matter how hard you try to engage Sleep in a game of peekaboo, you are not going to win.

I don't think I'm overly concerned about Babygirl's appointment tomorrow.  My brother asked if she was being admitted.  And I told him that it is a possibility with every single doctor's visit - because that's the way life is for transplant patients.  But I think I've adjusted to that mentality as well as anyone can and it doesn't cause me any particular anxiety.  It's not being in an unfamiliar place - this is as much home to me as my own bed after all this time. 

Maybe it's because I slept this morning. 

Yesterday's party was epic.  Lots of interesting people, lots of food, and lots of Scotch.  Yeah, I'm that kind of girl.  Wine is okay, beer is disgusting, but whiskey is just proof that God wants us to have a good time.  I fell into a drunken stupor asleep last night before 11 while the party was still underway.  I woke up at 6 as usual, tried to have breakfast, and realized that I was still not capable of walking a straight line.  So I took three Advil, staggered back to bed and didn't get up until almost 11.  And although it was awesome sleep, I'm thinking that if I want to drive to CHOP legally in the morning I shouldn't consider that option tonight.

Ah, well.  There is always Stumble.  And YouTube.  And I may have to give in and have that snack anyway.


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