Monday, November 26, 2012

How Can You Know....

How can you know for sure that your child isn't avoiding school?  The sunglasses were back on this morning, and she complained again of neck pain.  Don't get me wrong - she had a headache on Sunday, but it wasn't so bad that she needed the glasses, and she went to church.  She didn't appear to me to avoid the family gatherings, but she complains that school is 'too noisy.'  She rarely wakes up with a severe headache on a Saturday, or maybe she does and just takes her meds and goes back to sleep so I don't notice.

Certainly when the headaches started there wasn't a doubt in my mind that they were all totally legitimate.  There were too many odd complaints, and she looked terrible.  Heck, last WEEK she looked terrible. 

I don't know what it was about this morning that made me wonder.  There was a lack of the emotional intensity, perhaps.  But maybe it was apathy.  Maybe it was denial.

Maybe what I am hoping for in the back of my mind is that it's all fake, and therefore there is nothing at all serious to worry about.  As the countdown to testing continues, my anxiety is a noticeable presence in my life.  There's a big part of me that really doesn't want to know what is wrong.  If we don't do the tests, we can keep calling this migraine and not worry about it, right?  And if she's pretending, I can just get her a counselor and shove her out the door to school every day.

But I've had to stop using my favorite lotion because the smell makes her head hurt.  And she won't chew her favorite gum because the smell of spearmint makes her head hurt. It's only those two smells.  Who makes up stuff like that? 


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