Saturday, September 15, 2012


Sleep has always come easily for me. For most of my life, I've not been a worrier.  I'm more of a "planner" and "doer", the one who tackles the hard stuff first and leaves the simple stuff for later if needed. 

Medical residency made me sleep, well, if not better, at least more efficiently.  The chronic sleep deprivation meant that I slept VERY well and very quickly whenever the opportunity arose.  I never lose sleep worrying about work.  If I'm stressed by something at work, I'm more likely to come home and cry it out than to ruminate about it.  Even the menopause process rarely left me sleepless (although the tossing and turning associated with the hot flashes apparently woke Hubby on a regular basis, poor guy!).

There is no possible way for me to "plan" and "do" in this situation.  There is no simple stuff.  Basic housekeeping is stressful and complicated.  Maintaining reasonable hours at work, impossible.   Being a loving wife and mother, challenging.  Being a loving and dutiful daughter, daunting. 

While I was on the phone yesterday (for over an HOUR) seeking (and failing to find) a local pharmacy that stocked Babygirl's new medicine, I was also filling out school physical forms, writing lab orders and prescriptions, and taking three different calls from my mom, all of which involved her crying hysterically and hanging up on me.  During this time, the nurses were prepping patients in rooms for my afternoon appointments, most of which I ultimately had to cancel.  I saw the folks who were already there, triaged the rest of the scheduled appointments for either cancellation or immediate follow up with a colleague (whose schedule was already overbrimming), and as I was leaving took a fourth call from mom in which I had to explain why, if she needed food, she should manage her OWN shopping.  This resulted in more crying and another hang up.  And then the traffic-laden 150 mile run to pick up the medicine and beat the pharmacy closing time of 6 PM (it was closer than I care to think - 75 miles in 1 hour, 45 minutes, and I got on the highway at 4).

All this would probably be easier to manage if I were actually sleeping.  Right now I'm managing to get about 3 good night's sleep in a week, and the rest can vary from falling asleep at 3 AM (to get up no later than 6 for work) to multiple awakenings, each lasting 10 minutes to an hour.

Frankly, I'm tired.  I'm cranky.  I want to sink my toes in some sand and let the sound of the ocean fill my mind. 

But today is pill-sorting day, both for Babygirl and my mom.  Today is clean-the-house day.  BoosMommy needs to be picked up and brought over so she can do her laundry.  I have to pay bills and catch the checkbook up.  And it's definitely NOT relax-and-catch-a-nap day. 

Anyone with suggestions for better sleep?  Now's the time to speak up!  I've tried melatonin and benedryl already. 


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